In 2019 I posted a document on this blog. I found it on a forum. I didn't know who had written it but now I have found out. It was written by someone called AK, one of the Adepts in Lifewave. It was written in 1986. There is another document by him or her, written in 2000. I thought it is interesting so I have copied it and put it here.
"SOME REFLECTIONS ON LIFEWAVE AND JOHN YARR 14 YEARS ON. (June 2000)
by AK, May 2000
In Sept 1986 I wrote an article about Lifewave at the time of its dissolution and photocopies of my handwritten article were circulated at that time to many initiates and members of the organisation.
A few weeks earlier, in August 1986, I had written a letter to John Yarr (circulated too at the time but not now in my possession) which was, for me, the beginning of a process of helping to expose some truths about him which were not widely known: the letter led to a meeting between him and about eight adepts (including myself) in which we confronted him collectively with our concerns and allegations: the outline of these accusations and his reply are covered in my article.
These allegations amounted to an accusation of serious criminal activity which he had not been able to answer satisfactorily. While the police were approached at the time, the victims were not in a position to give statements and the case has only now been gathered by the police (April 2000) with sufficiently robust evidence to lead to his arrest and appearance at Chichester Magistrates Court.
Without prejudicing the case it is not possible to describe the allegations in detail, but they were broadly known by many adepts and many others who made enquiries in 1986. Undoubtedly they were for me and many others the 'final straw' in displacing his image in my mind as the perfect master, and in causing me to have to question the whole ethical base of his authority, both organisationally and spiritually. I was struck then and remain astounded by his inability to be honest and humble enough to acknowledge how badly and persistently he had hurt and let people down: I felt this lack of empathy coupled with sexual perversion and emotional cowardice were all intolerable in a man claiming his position and wisdom.
Looking back now I consider that he was responsible for the following effects on people that I am aware of , with whom I have either talked or heard about from someone who has, (and my estimate in brackets for the number of people I am aware of having been affected in the UK ):
- Vindictive gossip and rumour mongering, spreading lies and disrespectful stories (dozens)
- Unethical and abusive therapeutic practices - examinations, manipulations,etc (dozens)
- Psychiatric events and ilnesses (selfharming attempts, depressions, admissions), (five-ten)
- Marriage breakups including false prophecies about husbands' deaths etc (6)
- False promises of marriage to himself (several, possibly more than a dozen)
- Abuse of his position of power and trust with women for his sexual needs (dozens)
- Threats of intimidation and damnation to people leaving his organisation (dozens)
- Malicious occult practices visualising or wishing ritualised harm to people (four)
In addition to all this has been his obsessive use of pornographic magazines and videos (several times a week over years), and the likelihood that he has not meditated himself much, if at all, for years.
Having seen for myself the true nature and impact of his shadow side and his lack of respect for people who had given their lives and love to him and the reflection of this throughout his organisation, including my own ways of thinking, made me absolutely sure in 1986 that I could not be part of any structure supporting him. It would be basically unethical as I had to recognise how my naivety and gullible eagerness had added to his power and the collective abuse of many vulnerable individuals.
I felt he had totally betrayed my trust and irrevocably compromised my integrity as his follower and teacher so I lost my loyalty to him and to Lifewave as an organisation, having been completely committed and devoted for a number of years. Needless to say I found this a difficult and confusing time. I was disappointed but not completely surprised by the extent of denial of the accusations and support for himself that he managed to muster to enable him to carry on after the dissolution of Lifewave. Those older initiates who knew of the allegations but who did not help expose him or kept supporting him may not have known enough, had a warped sense of values or imagined that the realities of the meditation somehow made it all allright: I still think they have much to answer for.
From meeting with and talking to 'ex-members' over the last few years I do not now think there is or was one experience nor one truth about Lifewave: everyone has a different story to tell about it both spiritually and organisationally. People also had very different experiences of joining and leaving, from having found it after years of spiritual practices to coming along with a partner or a group of friends, from being 'sent away' to leaving at the time of Lifewave's disbanding in 1986. Some people had fairly benign experiences of the lifestyle changes, while for others the path led to major sacrifices and losses and considerable trauma.
My own particular experience of Lifewave had been relatively free of trauma: I found the meditation profoundly inspiring and liberating. I loved the sense of belonging to a community of like-minds and fellow devotees, and learnt a great deal about philosophy, psychology and complementary medicine amongst many other subjects. I also found John Yarr very charismatic and inspiring, often apparently very caring, with an incisive mind and an apparently encyclopaedic knowledge. These qualities are what made confronting him and myself with the truth about his other side and the ending of Lifewave initially confusing and difficult: belief in his grace and fear of his power over me took months, even years to dismantle.
As for making sense of spirituality after Lifewave, I have found my path has been much less clear, and dominated by knowing what I do not want or cannot support, rather than knowing where to place my devotions and energies. Having a guru, belonging to a group, or following any path with a map certainly simplifies many complications in life. Without these it is easy to become cynical of the whole 'spiritual' trip, the self-rightiousness and introspection, the gap between theory and ideals and practical reality. I have also been tempted to dismiss all teaching and gurus. But I now see these as structures which help some people grow at some stages in their lives (as worked for me), but which may well need to be removed to allow another phase of growth (as also happened for me). Behind all this I find there is a constant whisper from my soul in many situations reminding me of my source and 'home', and a real strength from the knowledge of meditation.
Since Lifewave I have been particularly helped and inspired by nature, the world of the senses and by movement and dance as expressions of spirit: finding ways of grounding my energy through my body has helped me make sense (literally) of the realisations and connection with light and sound which I had gained through meditation and Lifewave. Learning about female ways of knowing and allowing and receiving not straining and pushing for spiritual truths, and trusting power with others rather than power over others, have also been important. I have learned much from being part of groups and organisations that are aware of the dangers of hierarchies and explicitly explore alternative methods or rituals using circles and networks, and consciously pay attention to the 'people on the edge' whose views are usually as revealing as those of the leaders or people at the 'centre'. Some of all this I have been taught by people with disabilities through my work: they have given me some profound spiritual teachings, especially that every human interaction is two-way not one-way.
I am certainly glad that I am free of the fearful intolerance, arrogant fanaticism and intimidation that I learnt from Lifewave (and sometimes copied from John Yarr) and I am glad to find that I can be myself more fully now, the same and different as every one else, enlightened or not!
So I have no conclusions to share, but some observations: however difficult and shaming it was to have gone through an experience like Lifewave and to attempt to understand someone as complex and confusing as John Yarr and the devotion he inspired in people like me, I do think I have learned much from both going into it all and coming out of it, though I regret all the hurt he and the organisation caused. Talking about it all is a good way of piecing the jigsaw together. I would like to give people who are still involved with John Yarr personally or his path the information they need about his dark and shady side: they can then make up their own minds and not feel they are damned for all eternity by the Lord of the Universe if they recognise that he has damaged many people's lives and may yet be convicted of serious crimes. I would also like him to fully face the consequences of what he has done and his responsibilities, and be prevented from causing further harm.
More than all this, I want to keep a love of the truth and of sacred teachings and realisations alive in my life and in the lives of people I have contact with, so that we help each other sharpen our minds and open our hearts and, learning from the mistakes of the past, keep true to our deepest wisdom and aspiration in each new day."
 |
| John Yarr |
No comments:
Post a Comment