another document

To go to the beginning of this blog and an introduction to the Lifewave cult click here.

This is another document that came out soon after the end of Lifewave.

Now that the organisation of Lifewave is to be dissolved, the time has come to offer an explanation for how and why it was created and then destroyed in order to ease the confusion and fear still present in many people's minds. A time of destruction can and must be a time of creation and rebirth but in order to create anything new for the future we must all understand, learn from, and let go of the past.

Anyone who came to listen carefully to and absorb the teachings of the organisation would have to acknowledge the wisdom, power and simplicity, which lay at their core. Through them many people came to know fundamental human truths: the need for self-awareness, service, devotion: the recognition of finer energies than the mind, and the freedom that can be found by contacting the inner light and sound in meditation. Initiation into knowledge of that inner light and inner sound, the realisation of a state of being which transcends all thought, time and space completely and finally, knowing the essence of one's self to be infinite and yet one: that these realisations can be had is verified by the testimony of many people. Over forty men and women claiming to have attained a state of completion or Enlightenment within any organisation is an unusual and possibly unique event by present religious or spiritual standards.

Yet Lifewave did more than help its members meditate and find spiritual knowledge for themselves. It also gave them a purpose in life, a motivation to improve one's life and develop one's mind and body. A healthy lifestyle, avoiding drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, extramarital sex and encouraging employment and voluntary work as well as family life could all be said to have been positive aspects of its teachings. Philosophical training, public speaking, and organisational administration also gave confidence and broadened many people's horizons, as did the companionship of like-minded seekers for the Truth.

John Yarr thus helped through the organisation, which he created and headed, to bring help, understanding, love, and spiritual knowledge to his followers. They in turn came to be completely devoted to him, and out of love and gratitude directed every aspect of their lives around Lifewave activities, talks, meetings and their meditation.

The organisation grew to hundreds and his position in it became ever more elevated. The emphasis of his teaching s changed however too. What had started as him sharing his own realisations and inspiration with fellow devotees in order to uncover the universal truths which lie in us all, gradually changed to a process of him giving 'grace' from the unique repository of all spiritual wisdom: himself, now the Perfect Master.

The concept of grace, which he had initially ridiculed in his own teachers, became the key to his power. Before long no follower could do anything or realise anything without his 'grace', permission thus being granted. Where his first followers attained their own realisations and Enlightenment on their own, albeit with his help and encouragement, later on people were given their realisations and came to be totally tied to his directives and opinions.

A definite hierarchy of teacher pupil relationships was thus built, following his example. The image of him as the ideal perfect man, source of all spiritual bounty, gave him and the 'adepts' who were closest to him the greatest protection from criticism or disagreement, and consequently authoritarianism and intimidation pervaded the organisation. Any criticism of him, his teachers, the lifestyle required or the methods of intimidation were all considered criticisms of the truths of meditation and therefore spiritual heresy.

While all this allowed John Yarr's teachings to be transmitted as faithfully (and uncritically) to his followers as possible, it also allowed him to do whatever he liked with totalitarian power.

From the very beginning of his time as spiritual teacher he began to abuse the trust placed in him, conducting private relations with a number of his women followers, leading each of them to feel they were special and destined to be his wife. Meanwhile in order to maintain his image he covered his tracks by rejecting his partners in public and spreading lies and criticisms about them to others. A network of distrust, comprising a deeply divided group of women and a phalanx of men whose devotion to him was matched only by their blindness to his personal life and his high-handed manipulations, was thus built at the core of the organisation. This distrust together with the stress of responsibilities within the organisation and the volatile nature of the atmosphere that surrounded John Yarr, all provided the smokescreen necessary for him to indulge in a lifestyle totally at variance with his teachings.

Most of the women concerned did confront him with the effects of his behaviour at different times. But each woman had basically only her own experience to go by and had to overcome her own loyalties to theorganisation and his image as its figurehead in order to challenge him properly. Dissent or even gossip was hotly pursued and individuals would have to choose between leaving the organisation or severe isolation and intimidation if they had any reputation as a troublemaker. When John Yarr assassinated people's characters who had been involved with him sexually, and told his followers not to believe in gossip or particular people's opinions it was impossible for any single person to gain the trust of anyone else who might have been in the same situation. When John Yarr continued to promise marriage to his partners even when they were already married (by casting doubts about their husbands health etc) leading each to feel they were special, and given the blind devotion and love on their part, it becomes more understandable how he could have perpetuated his deceptions for as long as he did.

Meanwhile directly or indirectly as a result of his sexual relations, four of his closest teachers who had attained their 'Enlightenment' left the organisation. Three of these left because they knew enough about him to want to dissociate themselves but not enough to tell their friends in the organisation why. Six 'adepts' had nervous breakdowns, some from the stress of teaching, most from the conflict between loving and hating him, between serving a spiritual master and someone who was sexually deviant, and between serving him and serving the initiates. With no way for the truth to come out and no one likely to believe it if it did, given the rigidity of his followers devotion to John Yarr, the only option was to suppress feelings of hurt, guilt, fear and anger. Loyalty to John Yarr was more important than loyalty to husbands or wives and marriages were thus destroyed by his deception. Given this stress, victims of this conflict would immerse themselves in teaching, meditation or the remains of their private happiness, even sacrificing their health, friends, and future for his sake. Similar traumas affected a number of initiates too to whom he made sexual advances.

It is now known that at least nine women adepts and possibly two dozen initiates had direct experience of the way Johm Yarr took liberties with women. This typically did not involve intercourse but almost always involved emotional manipulation as already described.

Faced with all the evidence gathered finally in August 1986, John Yarr was confronted by those who had known him the longest or had most experience of his private life. For the first time it became clear that his personal life and the liberties he was taking with it were influencing not just a few isolated people's lives but a very large number of people within or outside the organisation. This now involved every one who followed him.

At this time John Yarr admitted that his behaviour as a man and organisational head had been reprehensible, falling far short not only of the standards of his own followers but also of the dictates of common humanity. The main charges were as follows:

Deception, a) by perpetrating a lie about himself, b) by encouraging those he had deceived to deceive others and c) by persisting in a cover-up in spite of all confrontations.
Sexual and emotional abuse of women who held him as spiritual guru.
Abuse of his power, to destroy the lives of those who shared his secrets, causing them to be physically and mentally ill, attempt suicide, dread mental hospitalisation and, with no other help available, go through periods of psychological breakdown which have lasted up to 10 years.
Hypocrisy, resulting from the contradiction between the public
teaching and private behaviour.

His reply to these accusations was that he was glad the truth had come out: the burden of guilt and fear had been a heavy one. Yet when asked why he had not brought it out before he said he feared that no one would be able to grasp the contradictions inherent in his personality, and that, if he had not been confronted by anyone, he would have allowed people to continue suffering because of his fear.

He regretted his actions and expressed some sadness for the pain he had knowingly caused. Yet he could give no guarantees, any more than he could on previous minor confrontations, that his behaviour would change.

Loneliness, weariness of responsibility, frustration, bullheadedness, perfectionism, guilt, and personal hurt were, he claimed, the reasons for his actions. He claimed that he couldn't separate his spiritual power from his personal weakness, cruelties and immoralities. He expected other people to be able to cope with the hurt and devastation he was causing in their lives by meditating. He felt people would accept his actions because of his spiritual power and because of the wisdom and spiritual elevation he had helped others to find.

The fear and frustration throughout the organisation was, he admitted, generated by him, but the end justified the means. People only had two hours on average a day available to devote to spiritual matters and hence some of time limit structure and pressure were necessary.

But now he wanted to relinquish all policymaking power franchising out the teaching and awaited being told what to do by his followers.


Having heard his explanations, excuses and admissions, it became clear to those who confronted him that having spent 12 years deceiving his followers about his own nature, John Yarr was not going to willingly admit the extent of his misbehaviour to anyone else.

Since those who knew him the most felt a greater responsibility to clarify the truth about John Yarr to his followers, they were keen for everyone who had been part of Lifewave to know the full truth as kindly but as quickly as possible. No one could be expected to make the decision about whether or not they wanted to continue following him, until they had the benefit of the whole story.

On the other hand there were some who, knowing the full facts, chose to discredit the people who had revealed them, in order to preserve John Yarr's image and minimise his wrongdoings. Thus confused by the paradox of a spiritual teacher who was now known to be a sexual deviant and by this time there were allegations regarding sex with children, people have been caught by their longing for spiritual guidance and their belief that only John Yarr's grace can give them spiritual progress.

Two facts have now emerged to help solve this confusion.

The first is the fact of John Yarr's deception and his predilection for spinning any old lie in order to maintain a position of superiority or create a dependency which he can then use for his own selfish ends. The idea of his personal grace has been the cornerstone of his powerstructure and the single reason why he was able to hurt so many people. This greed in him has of course had to be matched by greed on the part of his followers whose insecurities have taught them to need something which can only be 'got' from a superman.

The second is the fact about spirituality itself. Being universal, the truth cannot belong to anybody, but rather belongs to everybody. Like the vibrations of light and sound that power all life, knowledge is unveiled, not given. Spiritual energy has its own intelligence, which can be channelled but never controlled by man's mind. If we chose to see life as a gift, anuything becomes a grace, from having a body to gathering experiences, making realisations or contacting finer energies. Grace is therefore universal. If John Yarr's grace is truly universal it no longer belongs to him.

When the citadel of John Yarr's reputation began to crumble, it was inevitable that people would return to the truth of their own realisations and throw out the brainwashing and dogma associated with Lifewave. When mental limitations and fears were removed, one by one people came forward to discuss and therefore consolidate realisations they had already made but which did not fit into the structure of thought John Yarr had allowed.

Before long, to many people's delight, it became clear that the structure of Lifewave had been perhaps useful but by no means necessary for individuals to contact the inner light and sound ( ie without the special 'Initiation') to transcend the limitations of thought and to attain liberation. A number of people had already made these realisations months or years earlier but had had their understanding of them suppressed or distorted, so they began now to have the confidence not to wait for anyone's permission but to progress themselves.

So the full truth has finally emerged. Spirituality remains as elusive and intriguing as ever. Freed now from the greed of one man it can now fill and inspire the guru inside each individual. Just as all forms in nature have to expire, so does John Yarr now have to face the full consequences of his actions and relinquish his power as the structure and methods of his path are now obsolete. Each individual has now the task to use their wisdom to keep practising the Truth, as they know it.

Earnest aspiration, devotion, diligent practice of listening study service and meditation become fundamental requirements. The truth must be found and then used, used and then found again or else it becomes stale. Guidance from a teacher is very important for some people, but its not crucial, and contact with other human beings who reflect and channel finer energy is one way for us to know that finer energy in ourselves. This is healing in its finest senses, sharing oneself so there is no teacher and no pupil, a unity based on trust and openness not greed and fear.

The end of John Yarr's path is really only the beginning of something else.