Cult cost my peace of mind

18/04/1987 Portsmouth Evening News

most of this text is difficult to read so there is a digital version below the image

see here for the other stories about John Yarr in the Portsmouth Evening News

Your Letters

Cult cost my peace of mind

- and my home

I HAVE just read the articles about John Yarr in The News. I knew Mari-Anne from my involvement in the organization and I am very relieved that, after so long, some of the facts are coming to light and people can be told the full extent of this manipulative and arrogant group of people who called themselves Lifewave (and now, I see, SAST)

They hid themselves behind a front of the highest spiritual values and moral purity, yet I have spent the last nine months recovering from my own nightmare involvement with the cult which cost me my peace of mind, my home, and my marriage.

I was "initiated" into Lifewave with my husband in 1978. Later, we became aware that things were not quite right, that there was a sort of hierarchy, a political aspect to the organization with hints of scandals, intrigues, and cover-ups, but there was a strict ban by Yarr on all gossip in the organization.

We began to mistrust many of the teachers we had loved. Yarr still had us under his spell, though, and we would do what he said through fear of rejection, mostly.

My husband and I felt under a constant pressure when all we wanted was to live a normal life using certain values which Lifewave propounded as morally good and sound.

I wished to have children. as I felt that it was natural, yet every time the subject came up with Yarr he tried to dissuade me or make me feel guilty or selfish, making it clear that it could only hinder my progress for many years.

Consequently, I was torn and confused. I felt, too, a lack of privacy. I happened to live near to Yarr and he used to call round when I was alone and chat to me. Once he asked me lots of questions about my sex life and asked me if I fancied him.

My house was used like a hotel with people constantly being asked to stay or to spend many days in meditation. I would have to feed these people twice a day. I felt unable to refuse because that refusal would look like selfishness and ego in the Teacher's eyes and again we were warned of the dangers of materialism.

We felt bound hand and foot, as though our every move was being watched and judged. All this time we were trying to run a business and keep our livelihood going and our mortgage paid.

Then we were asked to go and teach in India for six months and, on our return, we could expect to be given our "Adeptship."

We duly went and, in the meantime, our house continued to be used as a hotel (even though we continued to pay the mortgage ourselves!). Also, our brand new car was smashed up while in use by Yarr's household. The insurance claim was neglected so we never got much compensation.

On our return from India, it became clear to us that something was wrong in Lifewave. No one spoke to us about the trip or about our prayers. The business had failed through neglect and lack of time and money. Our lives were not our own any more. All this had become too much for me and my husband.

We realized how unhappy we had become. We felt as though we had failed due to the stress of this lifestyle and the distractions of trying to please the demanding Mr. Yarr

So we lost our home, and my husband broke down, becoming very suspicious, nervous, and distressed. He felt victimized, unloved, and untrusted by Yarr and his Adepts.

Yarr had always asked to see me a lot on the grounds of claiming my health needed attention and that my spine was not good. He gave me continual weekly treatments with acupuncture, homeopathy, and massage yet he hardly ever asked to see my husband who was just as loyally devoted.

My husband finally left the organization; he just couldn't cope with the stress any longer. I was then faced with a "Gestapo-like" interrogation at the hands of two of the Adepts.

They made me feel guilty over my natural desire to stay with my husband and make the marriage work. They said I had to choose between him or Yarr. They said either I stayed with Yarr or went with my husband in which case they would regard my loyalty as suspect.

I was by this time in no fit state to make any decision. I was broken, with no fight left in me, and utterly confused. The Adepts just sat there, cold and detached, while I sobbed and felt utterly desolate

Is it surprising that I feel duped and cheated and bitter now that the truth is finally out?

I have just recovered from a period of shattered confidence and anxiety attacks which this chain of events caused. My health is at last back to normal and I am building a new life.

I feel very much for Mari-Anne and many others like her who suffered far more than I did at the hands of these fanatics, and I wish no one else to ever suffer the kind of psychological torture we suffered under Yarr.

An older and wiser ex-member of Lifewave.

Congratulations, Frances Hardy

1 AM writing to congratulate Frances Hardy on her excellent ex- pose of John Yarr, self-styled Messiah and founder of the now-defunct Lifewave.

As an ex-member of the organization, I can vouch for her revelations of the intimidation and endless brainwashing forced upon us. Many of us were afraid to leave through fear of reprisals and tales of what might happen and so had to endure the emotional pain it caused.

It is how quite apparent that this con man used the guise of truth and spirituality to enable him to satisfy his personal ends. Any good that he claims to have done was purely coincidental and was achieved through the hard work of the people with him.

This evil man must never be let loose on the unsuspecting public again - AJ.P., Chichester.